Another big milestone – I SLEPT LAST NIGHT!!!! All freakin’ night!! And I’m not talking about my normal get up to go to the bathroom 4 or 5 times, waking up every hour or two dazed by crazy dreams and not able to sleep right away………..I’m talking about REAL SLEEP!!! I fell asleep around 10:00pm, and I may have gotten up once to go to the bathroom, but I’m not even sure about that. If I was dreaming, it had to be normal type dreaming because I don’t remember anything – just pure 100% sleep! I got up at 7:45am, which makes it almost 10 hours of much needed SLEEP! The last time I remember sleeping all night and feeling rested was when I moved to where I live now, which was the weekend before Thanksgiving in 2013. That should tell you how much I’ve needed sleep for years now, right?? It was absolutely glorious!!
I saw the psychiatrist at the TMS center today. The first words out of my mouth were “I SLEPT LAST NIGHT!!!”. We discussed a lot of things, and bottom line – they think I am doing exceptionally well with the treatment. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve had 11 treatments now, and have 19 more to go, and yet I’ve made very noticeable progress in a short amount of time. I’m a realist – 100%, and I know that the “ebb and flow” is going to continue. But what I know in my heart, body, and most importantly – my head, is that I feel different. I know changes have happened, and I know it’s only going to continue to improve. I have no idea how much, or to what degree, but I know there are more good things coming.
Another thing I realized today is that even when I felt pretty crappy over the weekend, physically mostly, and a little blah, my head still wasn’t spinning. I wasn’t stuck in the mind loop that I usually get trapped in where everything in my life swirls around incessantly and drives me insane. I was still just having thoughts, and letting them go. More progress! Ordinarilly, when I don’t feel good in one way or the other, my head kicks in and adds to the misery. This didn’t happen……..WOW!!
As much as I would love to have another perfect nights sleep, I’m not expecting it. Ebb and flow. Either way, I’m okay with it. I know that soon everything is going to settle in to a more consistant pattern, and I’m hoping that includes my sleeping dilema. I’ll make sure to let you know how it goes tomorrow.
Until then, spread the word. There is hope, and more people need it than you think.
KEEP FIGHTING!!!
CHRONIC MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER ~ MY JOURNEY 