TMS Round 2 – #32, #33 & #34

What a busy week. I even went on a date. WHAT?!?!?!? Well, it was actually a coffee “meet & greet”, but it had a “date” feel. I went out to meet someone I didn’t know, risking meeting someone new, and chancing letting someone into my life. Dramatic, a little. But I don’t take it lightly. It’s not easy for me. It went well, which was nice. Sweet guy who is on a great life path that is very similar to mine. That doesn’t happen often – at all. He’s had challenges in his life, as have I, and he’s turned it all into putting himself on a better life path. I admire that, and I understand it. Bottom line, I’m looking forward to getting to know him more, slowly. That’s more than I can say about anyone I’ve come across in a very long time. I rarely get to the “meet in person” phase. And, usually, when I do, that’s where it ends. No harm, no foul. Knowing I’m willing to get to know him better is a good sign. We were going to get together today, but I’m broke until I get paid again, and I don’t ever go out if I can’t pay my own way. It’s not fair to the other person. Plus, sadly, today is one year ago that I lost my kitty Henry, and it’s hitting me hard.

Yeah…….I said goodbye to my boy one year ago today. In some ways I can’t believe it’s been a year. On the other hand, I think about him daily, and remind myself that he’s no longer in pain, and still with me and Indy in spirit. I even saw him TWICE yesterday out of the corner of my eye. It’s comforting knowing my Bubba is still close by.

My anxiety is MUCH better. I didn’t even take Xanax yesterday! It was a hard day, memories of my boy and all. I slept a lot, but in my defense I had a very long week and I needed to rest up. Still, no Xanax. That’s only twice in 4 months. But I can feel the anxiety symptoms dissipating, and that makes me happy.

I only have 5 more TMS treatments – Friday will be my last one. I’m so grateful for this entire experience. It’s also amazing to me how different it all is from last year. Since this all started with anxiety instead of depression this time, it’s been a different path. What depression symptoms were presenting because of the anxiety started being alleviated quickly. And, I’ve learned so much about my illness – the ties between anxiety and depression, how they are so intertwined, and my options – things I never saw coming. Up until this phase, I never realized how much anxiety I had. I’ve only dealt with anxiety over the last few years, whereas I’ve battled depression my entire life. I always thought my anxiety was caused by my depression. Now I know they are separate issues, and yet can be triggered, aggravated, and made worse by each other. I have to keep a close eye on both of them, daily. One is not necessarily a side effect of the other – they have to be watched carefully – both together and standing alone.

I’ll write this week about my last treatments. And, as always, I will continue to blog about my illness in my daily life. I will always strive to be a loud voice for those of us who suffer, because we deserve to live good, happy lives – and I know how difficult that can be.

Love you all…………

KEEP FIGHTING!!

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